Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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