i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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