Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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