Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
