Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
