mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
