I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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