FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
