I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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