i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
