Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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