I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
