she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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