something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
