i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
