when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
