Swine flu. Run for my life!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
