He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
