He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize