This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
