Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
