and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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