That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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