at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Vodka?
Forever.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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