The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
