Michael Bay diarrhea
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
