The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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