Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it's great music for shaving your balls
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So vagazzling was a success
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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