But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
