I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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