he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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