Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
