I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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