weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
