16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
