Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
