i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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