haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
