i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
soo... how was my night?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
