I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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