i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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