You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
