Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize