the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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