i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
