fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
