Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
