i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
