I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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