somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize