I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
