then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
