i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
