he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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