This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
