If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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