We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
