I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
