if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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