so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize