Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
