also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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