sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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