im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
