Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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