Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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